My Daily Journal#5: CIRCLES, POINTS, RUTS AND PAIN

Time: 9.51 PM                                                                Date: December 14, 2014
Age:18                                                                           Occasion:None
                                     
                                                         Entry#2401

Life is one big circle. We start as nothing and become nothing. And as the author John Green stated, ‘oblivion is inevitable’. You are meant to live and then you’re meant to be forgotten. The starting point and the end point is common for all of us, i.e. nothingness. But, quite amazingly, the journey from nothingness to nothingness is called life, which is considered to be everything.  And in this circle of life, we come across many progressive points which define the quality and story of our life, and decide who we are as individuals. These points can be considered as anything: time periods, situations, circumstances or even the people we meet.  Now the experience of these points can be good or bad, but the ultimate effect of all of them is common: to help us learn, make progress, move forward, to fulfill the purpose of our life, and to reach the ultimate goal of nothingness in the best and the most convenient way possible.

There is one rule about this circle of life. You just cannot be stagnant. You just cannot stop moving forward, because if you stop, you’re not making progress. And if you aren’t making progress, then you cannot fulfill the purpose of your life and reach the end point of nothingness. And that is not supposed to happen, so when you become stagnant, these points of progression start pulling you towards themselves. The pull can be defined as the continuous mental stimulation to move forward done by our own conscience due to our own internal or external factors. And they pull us so rapidly and so intensely, that many people start feeling like they can’t handle it, can’t go on and end up being victimized by things like anxiety and depression. And what depression does to you is what you are not able to do for yourself. It helps you to jump all of your progressive points, travel the circle of life as fast as possible, and to reach the end point of nothingness as soon as possible, eroding the existence of stagnation. In short, it kills you. Life. Progress. Death. There is just no place for stagnation here.

And since humans are meant to keep moving, make continuous progress and not be stagnant before they reach their end point, they are built with certain qualities that instinctively attract them to do so. And one of those qualities is ‘desire.’ A desire to dream, a desire to achieve. A desire to make as much progress as possible, to live these progressive points to the fullest, and to enjoy the journey of life. A desire to achieve success and happiness in almost all areas of our life. A desire to make the most out of everything, and to cherish the joys of success, fame, money or relationships. And as we target to achieve something, and we work towards it, our desires and expectations only grow because they make us feel closer to passing our progressive points, and to reaching our ultimate goal of nothingness.

And when our desires and expectations grow towards something, what comes along is dissatisfaction or pain. This pain can arise from failure or lack of progress in our desired goals. It can be bearable, too little or too much. But it is something you cannot escape from, as much as you want to. The purpose of pain, I believe, is to help us understand our desires and expectations, so that we can work towards our goals more wisely. But the big question arises-What if the pain is non-bearable and it takes over our lives? And how to tell whether the pain is bearable or not?

Well, we humans are so clever.  Subconsciously, we do know that there is no place for the existence of stagnation. So when we experience tremendous pain in our lives, we pick up the particular progressive point that is causing it, fixate on it, and start circling around only that particular point. Our spirits are aware of the fact that we cannot stop, we have to keep moving forward, and we that have to go keep up the circular path.  So we give up working round the circle of life, instead we start to work round this particular circle that we think will help our pain go away. We get caught up in these little circles, in these little ruts until the problem gets solved and the pain goes away. Travelling in these little circles or ruts for some particular time can prove to be healthy sometimes. It may help to ease your pain or to discover the unexplored aspects of your life. But it is all good only until and unless you don’t get stuck in that little circle.

You know you’re stuck in that circle when you’re continuously trying to work on things that don’t matter, don’t benefit you in the long run, give you continuous disappointments, become an addiction or necessity, or increase the amount of your pain.

So what to do if you really are stuck? You can’t not do anything about it and be stagnant, because if you are stuck in a little rut which gives you pain, it will kill you soon. If anything can make it better, it is acceptance. But even that can't make it go away. Accepting your pain can only make it easier for you to live with it, not make it go away.

So what is the solution?

She put down her pen and gave a deep sigh.

“I guess I’ll just write that at the right time.” She said to herself as she smiled.

To Be Continued

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2014