My Daily Journal#4: LOOKING BEYOND YOUR DAILY TRIFLES

"You don't get it. The thing is, it doesn't matter anymore. None of your problems matter. They really don't. They are TOTAL CRAP." She adds, "in comparison to your gut and will power."

Life and death. That is what millions of people are battling with every single second, every single day of their living. Do you think about them? Do you think about those who suffer each day? Of course not! Well, you SHOULDN'T. Unless you have a practical (and NOT so much emotional) reason to do so. So do you have one? Pause and think for a moment!

Initially, she didn't think about all that, either. "Because", she thought to herself, "We don't have to. Because we are not one of them. And also because we don't have anything to do with them."

But who says you can't be one of them? No, it doesn't have to take years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes or even seconds for that to happen. Tragedies can happen with the blink of an eye. And even before you get a chance to get into a shock or understand the situation, you'd already be destroyed or dead.

Yes, that is the harsh reality of life. I bet most of you don't even have the courage to read further and you want to stop right away. It is insisted, if you feel that way, do it right now. CLOSE THE WINDOW RIGHT NOW.

Well if you didn't close the window already and you are still reading this, then chances are, that you do have a good capacity to understand what this article says. So please try to be sensitive when it comes to the understanding of the further statements.

THERE ARE BIGGER PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD. You are VERY lucky that you don't have to deal with those. Appreciate that. Understand that. Learn to look beyond your everyday problems. Consider the worse things that are NOT happening to you. Feel them. Live them. Understand them. DO NOT ignore them. You never know, for one second, you would be completely fine, the other second your life would be finished or transformed. Appreciate the little things. Say thank you. Be grateful. Fall in love with the things you never noticed before. You will be happy. You must be happy right now. As life is unpredictable. This chance to smile right now might never come again. There is MORE to life than your troubles.

She was initially one of you, and never bothered to think about all this either. Not until it happened to her. Not until life gave her a tiny yet unexpected and horrifying shock. Not until that split second when she had to deal with the unwanted thoughts of meeting her own death and come back.

It all happened in about 5 seconds. But that moment, was the most crucial time of her life. That was the time when she really understood the harsh realities of life. That was the time when she understood how important it is to look beyond the daily trifles. To make the right choices. To live your dreams while you still can. Because life comes with no guarantees. You should understand that. Keep asking yourself the question, "If I die tomorrow, will I be delivered in peace?" If the answer is no, then work on it! Life is too short to let your tasks, dreams, wishes, or desires go pending. Follow your heart but take your brain with you. Just don't have regrets even if you did something wrong that once made you smile.

That 5 seconds made her experience the emotions of a lifetime. For a single moment, she had forgotten all the problems she had with any person, thing, situation or event. All she asked for, prayed for, was a second chance. To get her life back again. She promised to herself that she would live her life to the fullest...in the best possible way she could. She promised to herself that she would extract the best out of every single moment, every single second.  And that she would love, laugh and live, no matter what.

She understood that the small little problems that we experience everyday don't really matter. All that matters is the ability to overlook them with a strong gut and willpower. She understood the fact that one's mere existence is way too precious. Too precious to be devoted to any kind of problem. Because it is something which should be valued beyond imagination.

You will obviously learn to overlook your minor problems when you face major ones. But that doesn't mean you should wait for them to happen to you. 

So, the conclusion is that you should take some time to notice the misery around you. Misery in the world, that you are not a part of. Take some time to feel lucky. Take some time to express gratitude, for all you DO have, and DO NOT have as well. Thank the Almighty or whatever or whomever you believe in, for your present condition, no matter what it is. Broaden your horizons. Take some time to look beyond your daily trifles. Take some time to be considerate about the less fortunate. Understand their condition. Not always emotionally, but practically. For you never know, one day, that might be you. Don't cry, keep smiling always. The fact that you are alive should be enough to always make you feel happy.

And that kind of a spirit, that kind of broad-mindedness, makes her a true fighter. She knows, she needed this, to help her get through her fight.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2014

My Daily Journal#3: SO WHAT IS SHE FIGHTING FOR?

Every time she used to hold that photograph in her hands, her fingers would become numb. This time, she wanted to try it again. Just to know how that would feel, after so long. As this time, things are different. She doesn't have, and doesn't want, that one single aspect of her life that she was once dying to have. That one single aspect that she thought she couldn't live without. That one single aspect that mattered to her the most. That one single aspect for which she agreed to exchange her love and dignity for complete misery. 

She wonders, how did all this happen? She couldn't blame anyone. She knows it was her mistake. She had committed a crime. The crime of playing with her own heart, victimizing her own self. The crime of giving in too much space and effort to the unreal and unstable areas of her life which had made her too busy to work on the real and stable ones.

Her world had always been revolving around the life of others, instead of her own. She never really paid attention to herself as an individual, unconnected and detached to the rest of the world. From the very beginning, as a kid, she had only learnt to love and take care of her family and friends and nothing else. Help them, emotionally uplift them, pamper them, and to make them happy no matter what her own circumstances were. Make everyone smile. And most importantly, to try and win over those who didn't love or appreciate her. She wasn't always successful, but she always tried. The funny thing is that this task would have been much easier if she had loved and pampered herself instead and improved herself to such an extent that nobody could have ever denied appreciating her. She never attempted to mold herself, to sharpen her qualities or skills in any sort of way and that was supposed to be really disturbing.

But over time, she had learned to turn her wounds into wisdom. And the incidents of her past isn't the reason why she is fighting right now. To be honest, she still didn't yet learn to completely give up on others and pay attention to herself as a priority...but that isn't the major reason that is bugging her either. The problem is, that even if she starts to see herself as a detached individual, she doesn't know where she stands. She doesn't know who she is. She never tried to create a respectful and worthy individuality of herself, and so that is what she's fighting for. She's fighting to know who she is. She is fighting TO CREATE AN IDENTITY FOR HERSELF.

Because in the end, it is not about who you were or who you are, its about who you choose to be.

She wants to go crazy. She wants to learn and explore every possible aspect in the world and add it to her personality if she possibly can. She wants to feel complete, without needing any other person in her life. There is no one single aspect in her life that she wants to deal with.

Neither that photograph was a one single piece anymore. She picks up the two halves with both her hands. Blood rushes through her fingers. She places both of them separately beside her bed. The numbness has gone. True, this time, things are really different.
Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2014

My Daily Journal#2: EVERY KNIGHT NEEDS A SWORD!

SOMETHING'S MISSING, BUT WHAT?

Yes. She has decided to become her own knight. But something is stopping her. Something is holding her back. No. It isn't weakness. It isn't any circumstance. It isn't any person. It isn't any particular thing.

So what is it then? She couldn't know. She knows, deep inside, she is strong. She knows she is powerful. But for some reason, she isn't able to display or implement that powerful version of herself.

She knows, she is a complete woman. But something is missing. Somewhat like a magnificent jigsaw puzzle, yet missing one piece.

 There is an uneasiness. A sense of dissatisfaction. She went on a mission to search for the root cause of that feeling. She searched, searched and searched for that one reason of her trouble. She talked to people, tried to introspect and to seek the answers at different moments. But nothing happened. Moments came when she felt so upset that she just hid herself under her blanket and cried, listened to loud music, or scribbled on paper and just blindly waited for some sense to dawn upon her.

She thinks about it, and she wonders, BESIDES good spirit, will power and strength to fight, what does a knight really need? It does dawn upon her.

EVERY KNIGHT NEEDS A SWORD. YOU CANNOT FIGHT WITHOUT A SWORD.

You don't need that literally, NO. But what that means is that your fight is incomplete without a MEDIUM that would allow you to defend yourself from all the negativity, discouragement and the obstacles that is offered to you by the world, as well as your own inner self.

You might be capable enough when it comes to your fighting skills. But you cannot fight without always having something dependable with you. Something that will regularly give you an opportunity, a purpose to fight. Something you can use to defend yourself when you have to knock down the enemy. (And 'enemy' refers to any negative feeling, person or situation you have to deal with).Something that will give you a regular boost of self confidence merely by its presence. Some physical, intellectual or emotional capability or power that you can USE as a FUEL to make you keep going. 

For some people, that sword is reputation. For others, it is money, and for some the sword is just the love of their family or friends.

But all the above mentioned examples of swords are irrelevant. Because they come and disappear with time. These are the sort of things that you CANNOT depend upon in the long run.

So what are the actual ones?

KNOWLEDGE. Skill. Thinking. Beliefs.Your potential. Your mind. Your body. Anything. Anything limited to you and only you. Anything that makes you an unique individual, who you actually are proud to be. Anything real enough to help you fight your problems. Every fighter has their own different kind of sword and that is something he/she has to find on their own.

She needs that kind of a sword too. She couldn't possibly be a Knight without that. It is hard. But she is willing to do anything to complete the puzzle. She is determined to find it, earn it, possess it. She just has to do it this time!

NEW: MY DAILY JOURNAL SERIES (INFORMAL)

MY DAILY JOURNAL#1

Being your own Knight

And sometimes we try to escape. We try to run from our own problems. We don't solve them by our own selves. We try to seek the solutions in some other person, event, time or situation. But, ultimately, we would find ourselves caught in this viscous cycle of never ending problems that are left unsolved. Or even if we get them solved, we end up being dissatisfied or mentally or emotionally weak.

This is what she believes. And that is so because she thinks that the Almighty has given each of us their appropriate share of problems in our lives that we are supposed to handle. And as a matter of fact, we do have the potential to handle them....because God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. But if we refuse to handle them, or try to find the solutions in anybody or anything, except ourselves, we will never be happy. Because the finest and the rightest solutions are only within us...we just have to introspect and discover that. Solutions coming from some other source might help us for a while...but in the long run they would make us mentally or emotionally weak as we will start to feel that we cannot handle our own problems.

The harsh reality is..there is NO hero, there is NO knight, besides our own selves. 

If anybody can save you, it's YOU!

She always knew this, the concept of being your own savior. But she refuses to think much about all those clichés and philosophies she has always been reading and thinking about anymore. As at this period of time all she wants is to take action. She feels that it's high time and it's time to break the monotony. She wants to make stuff happen.