And so, here I am again,
Speechless, thoughtless,
Nothing more left to say.
It feels good for the first time,
This striking tinge of pain,
That is within my heart,
For I never knew,
I could feel this way.
I don’t know how I got here,
And I don’t really know why,
But what I really do know is,
That the things that used to break me down,
Now make me shed tears of joy.
This is a feeling, I’ve never experienced before.
It terrifies me,
Deepens, magnifies into my fears,
Yet I still somehow always want more.
My mind was mine,
My life was fine.
Everything was calm, there was no storm,
My heart needed nothing more,
I was pretty sure.
Until you came,
And somehow, there was a quake.
Yes, you shook me, from the core.
You didn’t do anything to make this happen,
Nor did I.
Nothing was planned,
But I guess our souls were already in a band,
Upon those constellations of the stars,
Beyond the deep secrets of the sky.
I am lost,
But I am found.
My heart is beating,
Yet it has stopped.
And all this time,
I actually thought I was living,
Even though I was actually dead.
For now I know what it feels like to be breathing,
Even though there are issues unresolved and words unsaid.
I was content before,
I thought I had all I needed,
To live a happy life.
I thanked God for making me content,
“You’re welcome”, is what I thought he’d say,
But his response shattered me instead,
For it puzzled me, when he said:
“I command you to not settle,
For you, my dear, are just existing,
And you have no idea what you’re missing,
And there is so much before to this beautiful life,
This is no time for you to be satisfied.”
And then it hit me,
That he was trying to shift me,
From the feeling of existence,
To the feeling of being alive.
I don’t know what else to say,
But speechless, thoughtless,
Is what I’d like to be today.
For all I know, that the universe guides us,
In its divine and mysterious ways.
Even though life is unpredictable,
But I know, eventually, one fine day,
We will no longer need the ‘what may’ and ‘what might’,
And would be easy, for we will finally see the light.
But until then, if we ever need an explanation,
A look beyond these utter confusions,
I would always like,
To look for them in our eyes.
Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2015
