Picking up the pace

When we pick up the pace, do we ever stop to wonder, what is it that we are seeking? What is it that we are looking for? What is it that drives us? That makes us want to drive faster than usual?

We are born and raised in a fear and anxiety based society where speed that is the production per unit time equals productivity and efficiency. Sure, the quality of our productions do matter, but delayed better quality productions are a no match for faster less quality productions. Whether you like it or not, that is the dark side of our fast food culture.

Speed matters more now. The pizza must arrive quickly, even if it isn't as well-cooked as the second pizza which could have arrived with a maximum top up of 15 minutes.

We have so much pressure in our society to achieve this in our 20s, to achieve that in our 30s, to already have accomplished certain things by 40. 

Why?

Why do we value pace over the quality of our lives?

Let's consider a hypothetical example of a person A.

If person A becomes a millionaire at 25, you'll read about them in Forbes magazine and they will be appreciated more for achieving all of that at a young age. The glamour and the fame will surely be a dream come true for them, but what if they have a bad mental health? What if they are depressed? What if they are lonely in their personal lives and secretly wishing to give away all their material success so they can find the time and opportunity to get married, have kids and continue their life cycle in a 'normal' way?

 If the same person decides to not launch their product/service at 25, and decide to do at 52 because they want to spend their life doing more research on it while normally continuing with their life cycle, they just  'might' end up developing a finer quality of product/service that may serve the society for a longer period of time than the product/service they created at 25, and they *might* just have a better mental health, but since they aren't young anymore, they wouldn't receive the same glamour and attention from the media than they would have at 25 (even if the product/service is better and a longer lasting one). And most importantly, before they even accomplish anything, they will be bullied by our society for their whole lives for lacking behind in terms of their pace of accomplishments with respect to their age.

So, why have we created a society that values pace over mental health? Pace over happiness, peace and a good standard of living?

Why? Why? Why?

Think about it.

--Upasana Goyal Diaries

Fail

There is a calmness within darkness,
A moment of eternal peace within death,
Something attractive about a shadow,
Because to light it adds so much depth.

Life is always transitory,
But stillness is equally necessary,
Because if you don't pause to see your dark side,
You'll never be able to know yourself,
And from it you'll always want to escape or hide.

You don't really understand,
Until you look into your eyes,
That life exists in duality,
There is always a darker shade,
That exists with the colour white.

Sometimes we need to take a break,
A hand to hold, someone to hug,
And that is totally okay.
Sometimes we fall hard,
Fail to achieve our biggest dreams,
Sometimes we will fail,
We will fail every single moment, every single day,
And that is totally okay.

That's what life is,
It's never meant to be perfect,
Those who have never failed have never enough tried.
But if we want to go to greater heights,
We must appreciate the depressing side of this rollercoaster ride.
As is not our accomplishments that make us successful,
Because accomplishments can fade and be forgotten,
It is our failures,
Because they play the greatest role in building our character.
And a stronger character helps us to learn how to change the game,
To get up and build a taller empire when life falls apart and we lose our sane.

So it is time to stop resisting,
It is time to surrender,
Yes, get on your knees,
And bow down to failure,
Show some gratitude to your greatest teacher.
But that doesn't mean,
That you shouldn't try to get up again,
Get up and try again another day,
Who knows if the 3000th time is the time,
When you finally get your way.

And when your ship finally sails,
Don't forget to inspire someone else to fail.

--Thank you.

SMILE AND UNLEASH

So here it is now,
Every part of me screaming,
telling me, "Go UG, go on the beach,
There is another life that awaits you,
A life that you need to--
Smile and unleash."

And then, here it comes,
The voice inside,
The voice of my soul,
Telling me that I deserve so much more,
That there are better things worth fighting for,
That there are more gifts and capabilities up my sleeve,
I just need to allow myself to unlock them,
By learning to smile and unleash.

And then, it's just me,
staring at myself in the mirror,
as only now do I see my true worth,
Yes, now I can see myself clearer,
I turn to the pit of my stomach,
And I discover a beast,
Someone whom now I would like to,
Smile and unleash.

And so here it is now,
My biggest release,
Time to respect myself more,
To pamper myself,
Every now and then,
Give myself a pat on the back,
A kiss on my hand,
And a little reward or treat,
For all the way I've come,
For who I've become,
I've survived and I've thrived,
There is so much I have achieved.

See, that's the truth,
All the cosmic powers have always been within you,
And they have always been within me,
And these powers are hidden in a language,
Through which we are connected,
That is the language of our hearts,
That operates on love and harmony,
We just need to learn to tap into our powers,
Just trust, we can if we believe,
We can if we discover the courage,
To smile and unleash.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2018

My Unknown Fantasy

And then I come closer,
And you take my hand,
No music but still we try to dance,
To this never-ending romance.

I look into your eyes,
And you look into mine,
We both know that,
This is something meant to be,
As we can feel the happy,
Within those synced heartbeats.

I am going to love you harder,
Than I've ever loved anyone before,
Apply the lessons learnt from the past,
To never have any regrets,
Of loving you too much or too less,
Of that, I will make sure.

The only way I can forgive myself,
for the mistakes I've made in the past,
With people whom I thought to be you,
is by constantly changing into a better person,
And by creating happiness that lasts.

I want to love you to life,
And I want to love you beyond death,
Wipe your tears when you cry,
Kiss you harder when you laugh,
I know it sounds crazy,
Because I haven't known or met you yet.

I don't know who you are, where you are,
What you might be doing right now,
But I know that just like me,
You might be seeking a place where you belong,
A place where you are desired, and where you desire
to be, a place that could be found right here with me.

But don't worry honey, we will meet someday soon,
How will you know when?
Well, it's easy, when you want to confirm our union,
Just look up at the moon.
If some night it shines brighter than the rest of the nights,
That's how you'll know, that I am in your sight.
Because just like the moon dear,
My soul beautifully beams with bright white light,
As it is the reflection of divine power, truth and purity,
And since you are my twin flame, we will share that similarity,
And we'll sense the strong rays of the colour white,
When we mingle our auras and look into each other's eyes.

Just be patient honey, take your time,
No need to hurry, just always be happy,
For you need to keep that spark of joy alive in your eyes,
So when I look into your eyes, I can see you clearer,
And find my inner child while looking into those mirrors.
But just know that, even when you are sad,
Even when you're not here,
You bring me complete ecstasy,
For you will always be in my heart,
My Unknown Fantasy.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2018

RAW JOURNAL ENTRY

This time I am writing my thoughts down directly on my blog. I used to write them in my diary first, but not this time. This time I want my thoughts to be completely raw, not composed in any structure of poetry and prose; this time, I am making an exception to all the blog posts that I have written on my blog since 2010.

Yes, so today I feel like I want to die. I've always been an advocate of happiness--who always pursued happiness with pride--and always made efforts to make everyone else happy. I always believed that happiness is an inside job, and I always took an inspirational stand when it came to happiness and positivity.

But, this so-called, so-perceived 'young and bright spirit of positivity' is now tired of fighting, tired of dealing with all the negativity; yep now this spirit is completely exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually just simply exhausted. Exhausted. Crying. Don't know now how to continue fighting. What strategy to use to deal with the negative stuff. I applied all strategies, nothing is really working out. I am tired and done.

I really can't continue anymore without a divine intervention, a miracle. And that is my only hope now. The only hope to continue my life is an unexpected, unforeseen and upcoming miracle. Angels, I am tired. Hear my silent screams. Please help me.

SHE

She’s gonna fly,

Fly across the sky,

Fly to her heart,

Fly through the dark.

She’s free, strong and unstoppable,

She is fierce yet loving; soft yet invincible.

She cannot be caged,

By systems or hate.

For she is a spirit of love,

An angel with armour and shotguns,

Making others happy is her reward,

No, she needs no Knight,

She’s too busy crafting her sword.

For demons and angels both,

Are nothing but messengers of God,

That is what those two words literally mean,

Necessary is the power of both forces,

For without them this crazy world cannot go on,

It may be ruled by God,

But it needs both the saviour and the fraud.

She knows that everyone’s wounded,

Everyone only needs a touch of love,

Sometimes a hug, shoulder or a kind word,

Anything that can make them believe that they are not alone,

That their wounds can heal,

And they can be loved.

They can be free.

She’s a healer,

Who is only learning to nurse her wounds,

To love herself, to embrace every part of her,

Every season, every feeling, every mood.

She is free, free to spread her wings,

But she’s yet to find a place to fly,

A place where she is allowed to love,

 Laugh out loud or simply burst out and cry.

For she wants people to understand, but they don’t—

That how strong people are truly strong,

And where their strength truly comes from.

True strength is in kindness, vulnerability, sensitivity and emotions,

Not in indifference, being too hard or in the absence of feeling.

She has a lot to say,

But sometimes her pen doesn’t want to move,

Especially when her skies turn grey.

But there will come a day,

When her world will be coloured in her favourite colours,

That is yellow, white and blue,

And she will be stronger, healed and anew.

Till then,

She finds comfort in her soulmate,

That is her pen,

Because she knows that whatever she dreams of,

One day she will make it happen.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2018

Redefining Strength

Daggers in my heart,

I should have known from the very start.

That life is not what I think it is.

And that the society has got it all wrong,

Strength was never meant to be defined like this.

We are living in a society,

Where we have made the strongest minds feel the weakest,

And the weakest ones feel the strongest,

So, here I am,

Making an attempt to redefine what strength truly means,

This is something everyone should know,

Schools should teach this to kids and preteens.

Strong are the ones who can feel,

Strong are the ones who can cry,

Because only those who can feel real pain can feel real pleasure,

You are strong if you fall hard because you care and you love,

You are strong if it breaks your heart to say goodbye.

You are strong if you find yourself fighting every day,

You are strong if you keep trying even if you can’t find a way,

You are strong if you haven’t settled with what’s keeping you down,

And you are not entirely comfortable in your life,

Because a great soul once said,

That a champion is always fighting something,

You are strong if each moment of your life is a struggle,

You are strong if your life feels like more of a boxing ring.

But if you have settled, it doesn’t imply that you are weak.

But the truth needed to be said for the sake of the strong,

That if you don’t feel like settling, you are not wrong.

You are strong if once in a while, or sometimes too frequently,

You experience a mental breakdown.

Because a warrior will want to keep learning and changing,

And constructing new and fresh mindsets, seeking and arranging,

Doing that sometimes can give you more than a frown.

Because new mindsets cannot be constructed,

Without breaking down the old ones,

And that can make you feel weak sometimes,

Even the strong ones can feel the urge to escape, avoid and run.

But just because you feel something, doesn’t mean that it is real.

You don’t have to act on it,

You don’t have to be a victim of the weak; your reaction is a choice you make.

Having strength doesn’t mean to resist your emotions,

It means to allow yourself to feel, and not let the emotion control you.

There is strength in your emotions, because no matter what you do,

You can’t have physical or mental growth if you don’t have the emotional energy,

You don’t have to torture yourself to move forward with your life,

No, Strength is not cutting your emotions out of your heart with a knife,

Rather understand the importance of replenishing your emotional energy,

Every day by doing at least one thing that makes you happy.

And when you are going through something,

Strength is in finding an expression,

 It is a really necessary and wonderful coping mechanism.

It could be anything talking, crying, writing, dancing or any other art form,

No, please don’t suppress your emotions,

Suppression is depression; you don’t have to listen to what people say,

You don’t have to follow the societal norm.

Strength is in self-love, self-worth, and self-value,

And also to feel others’ pain, to embrace your sense of empathy.

You are strong if you feel compassion for other beings,

But a great soul once said, that if your compassion doesn’t include yourself,

It is incomplete.

Strength is having the courage to say no,
Strength is in forgiveness, and in the act of letting go.

It is in understanding that you are not obligated to serve anyone,

Not a single soul in the world, not your friends, partner, or family,

No matter how much they tell you to believe so.

Strength is in putting yourself first, because if you don’t fill your own cup,

You can’t help another being if your own energy storage has gone bankrupt.

Strength is in seeking a life of abundance,

No matter how many struggles you go through,

Keep empowering yourself,

Because God wants your praise,

That’s what the Bible says.

You are strong if you stand up for yourself and defend yourself,

No matter what other people say.

If you learn to carry with you both an armor and sword,

Strength is in knowing that you are important,

Because the grave cannot praise the Lord.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2018