Dear Darkness

Dear Darkness

I want you to kiss me

Come on baby, kiss me hard

I am not afraid of you anymore

Even though you made me run a lot

Dear Darkness

Come into me

And bite my soul

Let me wrap myself around you

And sink in you

So you can swallow me whole.

Dear Darkness

I know you're inside me

I am yours

And you are mine

Come on, let's work together

And light up the dark night with stars,

In a way that's pure and divine

Dear Darkness

I always thought of you as bad and unnecessary

But now I know

You're just as powerful as light

When the world tries to hurt me

You arise from within me

And you give me the strength to fight

Dear Darkness

You are my strength

You are my power

My stem and branches are strong

Only because I grew from deep dark roots

Embedded in soil that was far too dark.

Dear Darkness

Come dance with me

Let me hold you tight

I am your yin

You are my yang

Come touch me

And let's turn this into an eternal romance

Dear Darkness

When I'm asleep at night

Don't forget to kiss my lips

And I won't mind if you decide to

Slide your hand down my hips

For now, I've learnt to make love

And I'm no longer afraid of the dark.

Because I know that only through darkness

Angels of strength are created

That's how they learn to conquer the night

And that's how they turn into angels of light.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2019

I gotta get through

I gotta get through,
Yes, I gotta get through,
There is no way over or under,
I gotta fly through,
Like an eagle in the thunder.

I gotta get through,
I gotta rise and be free,
I know I can do it,
That's what my heart is screaming,
Along with every part of me.

I gotta get through,
I am finally free to fly,
I won't look back now,
Yes, I will learn to say goodbye.

I gotta get through,
My heart holds the hope that
Someday you will see,
How much I've loved you,
So you can love yourself just as much,
Even though you're not here for me,
It is my heart you've touched.

I gotta get through,
But in my dreams,
I shall dance with you,
And I will always pray that,
You too get through,
Everything you're going through.

I will get through,
And so will you,
I am not giving up,
On that belief any day.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2019

Picking up the pace

When we pick up the pace, do we ever stop to wonder, what is it that we are seeking? What is it that we are looking for? What is it that drives us? That makes us want to drive faster than usual?

We are born and raised in a fear and anxiety based society where speed that is the production per unit time equals productivity and efficiency. Sure, the quality of our productions do matter, but delayed better quality productions are a no match for faster less quality productions. Whether you like it or not, that is the dark side of our fast food culture.

Speed matters more now. The pizza must arrive quickly, even if it isn't as well-cooked as the second pizza which could have arrived with a maximum top up of 15 minutes.

We have so much pressure in our society to achieve this in our 20s, to achieve that in our 30s, to already have accomplished certain things by 40. 

Why?

Why do we value pace over the quality of our lives?

Let's consider a hypothetical example of a person A.

If person A becomes a millionaire at 25, you'll read about them in Forbes magazine and they will be appreciated more for achieving all of that at a young age. The glamour and the fame will surely be a dream come true for them, but what if they have a bad mental health? What if they are depressed? What if they are lonely in their personal lives and secretly wishing to give away all their material success so they can find the time and opportunity to get married, have kids and continue their life cycle in a 'normal' way?

 If the same person decides to not launch their product/service at 25, and decide to do at 52 because they want to spend their life doing more research on it while normally continuing with their life cycle, they just  'might' end up developing a finer quality of product/service that may serve the society for a longer period of time than the product/service they created at 25, and they *might* just have a better mental health, but since they aren't young anymore, they wouldn't receive the same glamour and attention from the media than they would have at 25 (even if the product/service is better and a longer lasting one). And most importantly, before they even accomplish anything, they will be bullied by our society for their whole lives for lacking behind in terms of their pace of accomplishments with respect to their age.

So, why have we created a society that values pace over mental health? Pace over happiness, peace and a good standard of living?

Why? Why? Why?

Think about it.

--Upasana Goyal Diaries

Fail

There is a calmness within darkness,
A moment of eternal peace within death,
Something attractive about a shadow,
Because to light it adds so much depth.

Life is always transitory,
But stillness is equally necessary,
Because if you don't pause to see your dark side,
You'll never be able to know yourself,
And from it you'll always want to escape or hide.

You don't really understand,
Until you look into your eyes,
That life exists in duality,
There is always a darker shade,
That exists with the colour white.

Sometimes we need to take a break,
A hand to hold, someone to hug,
And that is totally okay.
Sometimes we fall hard,
Fail to achieve our biggest dreams,
Sometimes we will fail,
We will fail every single moment, every single day,
And that is totally okay.

That's what life is,
It's never meant to be perfect,
Those who have never failed have never enough tried.
But if we want to go to greater heights,
We must appreciate the depressing side of this rollercoaster ride.
As is not our accomplishments that make us successful,
Because accomplishments can fade and be forgotten,
It is our failures,
Because they play the greatest role in building our character.
And a stronger character helps us to learn how to change the game,
To get up and build a taller empire when life falls apart and we lose our sane.

So it is time to stop resisting,
It is time to surrender,
Yes, get on your knees,
And bow down to failure,
Show some gratitude to your greatest teacher.
But that doesn't mean,
That you shouldn't try to get up again,
Get up and try again another day,
Who knows if the 3000th time is the time,
When you finally get your way.

And when your ship finally sails,
Don't forget to inspire someone else to fail.

--Thank you.

SMILE AND UNLEASH

So here it is now,
Every part of me screaming,
telling me, "Go UG, go on the beach,
There is another life that awaits you,
A life that you need to--
Smile and unleash."

And then, here it comes,
The voice inside,
The voice of my soul,
Telling me that I deserve so much more,
That there are better things worth fighting for,
That there are more gifts and capabilities up my sleeve,
I just need to allow myself to unlock them,
By learning to smile and unleash.

And then, it's just me,
staring at myself in the mirror,
as only now do I see my true worth,
Yes, now I can see myself clearer,
I turn to the pit of my stomach,
And I discover a beast,
Someone whom now I would like to,
Smile and unleash.

And so here it is now,
My biggest release,
Time to respect myself more,
To pamper myself,
Every now and then,
Give myself a pat on the back,
A kiss on my hand,
And a little reward or treat,
For all the way I've come,
For who I've become,
I've survived and I've thrived,
There is so much I have achieved.

See, that's the truth,
All the cosmic powers have always been within you,
And they have always been within me,
And these powers are hidden in a language,
Through which we are connected,
That is the language of our hearts,
That operates on love and harmony,
We just need to learn to tap into our powers,
Just trust, we can if we believe,
We can if we discover the courage,
To smile and unleash.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2018

My Unknown Fantasy

And then I come closer,
And you take my hand,
No music but still we try to dance,
To this never-ending romance.

I look into your eyes,
And you look into mine,
We both know that,
This is something meant to be,
As we can feel the happy,
Within those synced heartbeats.

I am going to love you harder,
Than I've ever loved anyone before,
Apply the lessons learnt from the past,
To never have any regrets,
Of loving you too much or too less,
Of that, I will make sure.

The only way I can forgive myself,
for the mistakes I've made in the past,
With people whom I thought to be you,
is by constantly changing into a better person,
And by creating happiness that lasts.

I want to love you to life,
And I want to love you beyond death,
Wipe your tears when you cry,
Kiss you harder when you laugh,
I know it sounds crazy,
Because I haven't known or met you yet.

I don't know who you are, where you are,
What you might be doing right now,
But I know that just like me,
You might be seeking a place where you belong,
A place where you are desired, and where you desire
to be, a place that could be found right here with me.

But don't worry honey, we will meet someday soon,
How will you know when?
Well, it's easy, when you want to confirm our union,
Just look up at the moon.
If some night it shines brighter than the rest of the nights,
That's how you'll know, that I am in your sight.
Because just like the moon dear,
My soul beautifully beams with bright white light,
As it is the reflection of divine power, truth and purity,
And since you are my twin flame, we will share that similarity,
And we'll sense the strong rays of the colour white,
When we mingle our auras and look into each other's eyes.

Just be patient honey, take your time,
No need to hurry, just always be happy,
For you need to keep that spark of joy alive in your eyes,
So when I look into your eyes, I can see you clearer,
And find my inner child while looking into those mirrors.
But just know that, even when you are sad,
Even when you're not here,
You bring me complete ecstasy,
For you will always be in my heart,
My Unknown Fantasy.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2018

RAW JOURNAL ENTRY

This time I am writing my thoughts down directly on my blog. I used to write them in my diary first, but not this time. This time I want my thoughts to be completely raw, not composed in any structure of poetry and prose; this time, I am making an exception to all the blog posts that I have written on my blog since 2010.

Yes, so today I feel like I want to die. I've always been an advocate of happiness--who always pursued happiness with pride--and always made efforts to make everyone else happy. I always believed that happiness is an inside job, and I always took an inspirational stand when it came to happiness and positivity.

But, this so-called, so-perceived 'young and bright spirit of positivity' is now tired of fighting, tired of dealing with all the negativity; yep now this spirit is completely exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually just simply exhausted. Exhausted. Crying. Don't know now how to continue fighting. What strategy to use to deal with the negative stuff. I applied all strategies, nothing is really working out. I am tired and done.

I really can't continue anymore without a divine intervention, a miracle. And that is my only hope now. The only hope to continue my life is an unexpected, unforeseen and upcoming miracle. Angels, I am tired. Hear my silent screams. Please help me.