The Ghosts Within Me

I have the faith,
I keep up the faith,
The ghosts within me,
Will take me home,
My heart still has to beat,
And it beats all alone.
The ghosts within me,
Are are a curse and a boon,
They continue to haunt me,
Night, morn and noon.
I wish to reach there,
Home it is.
And I love those ghosts,
I'd blow them a kiss.
I'm gonna reach there,
That I know, because
Bliss comes only from a mental belief,
And beliefs are the mental seeds you sow.
The process might as well kill,
But I am gonna love it still,
For it takes me where I wanna go,
These ghosts might turn into elixirs,
Or into a poison that's slow.
It could make all my dreams come true,
Break me, or make me feel alive once again.
These ghosts are madly in love with me,
Because I am madly in love with this pain.
So they're gonna want me,
Because where there are glorious rainbows,
There has to be an unpleasant rain.
And I'm gonna want them,
Just for the sake to get back home.
So now, I'd take this haunted ride,
And poof, the ghosts would disappear from my side-
Once I reach there, dead or alive.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2016

The psychology behind the repetition of anything makes us reach the ‘hook’ point

Repetition is an important aspect of our daily lives. All of us repeat certain things on a daily basis. But do you ever wonder what repetition can do to our brain? Repetition is a superpower possessed by us humans, and upon a conscious realization of this power, we can perform wonders. As a matter of fact, subconsciously all of us are witty and clever enough, and we sometimes, use this power unknowingly. Here are some interesting examples for you to check out:

The Nagging Child, The Nagging Spouse (the legendary icon)

Most children are evil enough (no offence) to know that if they repeat a request often enough to their parents, their parents will eventually give in. Some of us never outgrow this habit of repetitive persuasion, only to become the nagging spouse, the extra-cheesy and sweet-slash-extra-pathetic and annoying, yet legendary icon.

I know how to train my dog!

Ivan Pavlov, a Russian physiologist, discovered a way with his dogs, a way to condition them by the repetition of a cue or a trigger and connecting it with a selected action. This can be a colour, a shape, a tune or a host of other things.

Advertisers work on the same principle.  Yep, that’s right. Humans are no better than dogs.

The brutal purpose behind the consistent repetition of adverts-in almost every single place inside the print and the electronic media world-is to make us psychologically function like dogs. Sounds harsh, but it’s true.

What I mean to say is what the advertisers want is that when we go to the market, the feeling or the thoughts that were evoked upon repeatedly seeing a particular advert, gets revoked upon seeing the product. This happens because the advert is repeated to our brain multiple times, and we begin to associate the feelings that aroused from a particular emotion, theme, colour, shape, tune or story that was present in the ad, with the product.

Some music; and some dance baby!

The technique of using repetition and pattern making to our advantage is often used by music-makers and dancers. Beats, stanzas, steps-all of it-is repeated in almost all forms of dance and music. And the audience always loves it, because our brain is a crazy lover of patterns and of the concept of being in a routine. Also, the repetition in music and dance has a hypnotic effect on us, that is the only reason why we feel ‘lost’ and go in a trance-like state when we’re in the middle of listening to our favourite tune or slow dancing with our beloved partner.

Back to School: Time to study the same thing...again.

Schools and educational institutions use the principle of repetition by teaching or testing the same topic more than once. Students themselves are willing to study a topic more than once, because they feel that it would help in better retention and would last longer in their memory.

‘Practice makes perfect’

The age-old phrase ‘Practice makes perfect’ emphasis on nothing but the significance of repetitive practice. If we repeatedly practice a particular skill or activity, our brains get used to it. For example-walking in heels-an activity that needs to be practiced before we can get good at it. (At least I think it does.) So basically, when we repeatedly practice something, our brain gets used to it, and we sometimes get good at it, which leads to self-motivation and further persuasion to continue that practice. That is how we develop hobbies.

The basic principle behind repetition, how it works and why it is so effective is that repetition leads to familiarity, which makes that repetitive pattern more understandable or known to our brain, which leads to the embedment of the pattern inside us. Because of that, we tend to either like or appreciate that pattern; or we are simply unconsciously convinced or persuaded to follow the pattern in the future. Repetition always leads to more liking than contempt. That is why the repetition of a particular pattern can make us feel ‘hooked’ to that pattern.

Those who are consciously aware of what repetition can do, can use it to their advantage. Pretty interesting, right?

 Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2016

Strive not to be independent, but to be interdependent

The Oxford Dictionary defines interdependence as the ‘dependence of two or more people or things on each other.’ But most of us today fail to realize the significance of this term or its necessity in our lives.

When a kid is born, she has no clue of the world around her. So she is raised in a way that is supposed to empower her in every way, in order to help her grow into a refined individual. She is spoon fed almost every single thing-food, information, knowledge, money and other material things that would help her grow. As soon as the child reaches the stage of adolescence, the sole motive of growing up into a rational and a strong human being translates into the motive of being independent as soon as possible. But the most dangerous part of that phase comes when, and if, the urge of being independent becomes an escape. When this happens, we tend to see independence as a stage where life is easier, and we begin to associate the feeling of happiness and fulfilment with it. But the truth is, our lives just cannot get any easier or happier by trying to derive happiness from external sources of any sort. Human beings are a type of species that can never be completely satisfied, and the desire of being in a hypothetical phase in the future with one hundred percent fulfilment can never be completely satisfied. We will always want more and more to feel fulfilled. Human urges, desires and temptations only increase if the previous ones are satisfied. This is a natural tendency of our species. When we begin to associate the idea of independence as a futuristic escape for happiness and fulfilment, we usually tend to get dissatisfied with our lives in the present. This leads to either a life of self-doubt, uncertainty, resentment or hatred towards oneself. Any negativity of the sort stops us from achieving our goals in the present, and leaves us with the option of creating our future in the future, which is impossible. This is quite ironical, because nurturing such negative emotions within ourselves makes us more and more dependent on the people around us. We begin to question ourselves, which usually leads to the inability to make our own decisions, and so we eventually lose control on our lives in both the short and the long term. We begin to get controlled by our insecurities, or simply by the fear of the future. Some people go to extremes to quench their desire of achieving this stage of independence and fulfilment. They go through a mid-life crisis, create a huge gap or delay in their relationships, or simply move out of their marriages and abandon their relationships. Or worse, they could even resort to crimes or commit suicide.

One must realize that in order to achieve the stage of overall development, all of us must abide by the principle of interdependence for living a happy life. Believing in inter-dependence means to be self-aware enough to understand that there is strength to stand on our own, but there is also a greater strength on relying and depending on others along with that. Developing strong relations with the people around us, and a healthy co-existence is important; it helps in the overall development of the individual as well as a community.

So today, I send this message to all the young and the ambitious people out there. Let go of the desire to settle. Let go of the desire to settle with your narrow idea of what you call a happy, fulfilled and an independent life. It will only lead you astray. Life could be much bigger and better than that. Work towards your goals, but only to depend on one another, and to empower and uplift each other. That’s the real quality of a winner. She never settles, or buys the idea of ultimate perfection or fulfilment. Moreover, she is quite aware of the fact that she is a winner, not only because she wants to be, but also because that’s what the people around her think she is.

“You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle.” – Julien Smith.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2016

In our eyes

And so, here I am again,

Speechless, thoughtless,

Nothing more left to say.

It feels good for the first time,

This striking tinge of pain,

That is within my heart,

For I never knew,

I could feel this way.

I don’t know how I got here,

And I don’t really know why,

But what I really do know is,

That the things that used to break me down,

Now make me shed tears of joy.

This is a feeling, I’ve never experienced before.

It terrifies me,

Deepens, magnifies into my fears,

Yet I still somehow always want more.

My mind was mine,

My life was fine.

Everything was calm, there was no storm,

My heart needed nothing more,

I was pretty sure.

Until you came,

And somehow, there was a quake.

Yes, you shook me, from the core.

You didn’t do anything to make this happen,

Nor did I.

Nothing was planned,

But I guess our souls were already in a band,

Upon those constellations of the stars,

Beyond the deep secrets of the sky.

I am lost,

But I am found.

My heart is beating,

Yet it has stopped.

And all this time,

 I actually thought I was living,

Even though I was actually dead.

For now I know what it feels like to be breathing,

Even though there are issues unresolved and words unsaid.

I was content before,

I thought I had all I needed,

To live a happy life.

I thanked God for making me content,

“You’re welcome”, is what I thought he’d say,

But his response shattered me instead,

For it puzzled me, when he said:

“I command you to not settle,

For you, my dear, are just existing,

And you have no idea what you’re missing,

And there is so much before to this beautiful life,

This is no time for you to be satisfied.”

And then it hit me,

That he was trying to shift me,

From the feeling of existence,

To the feeling of being alive.

I don’t know what else to say,

But speechless, thoughtless,

Is what I’d like to be today.

For all I know, that the universe guides us,

In its divine and mysterious ways.

Even though life is unpredictable,

But I know, eventually, one fine day,

We will no longer need the ‘what may’ and ‘what might’,

And would be easy, for we will finally see the light.

But until then, if we ever need an explanation,

A look beyond these utter confusions,

I would always like,

To look for them in our eyes.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2015

My life, my book.

I control my thoughts

I control my actions

I control my words

I control my reactions

I am responsible for my joy

I am responsible for my sorrow

I must not look up to you for my happiness

And I must not wait for tomorrow

My life is my book

You may take a look

But only I am allowed to be its author

You cannot write my story for me

For you are just a character

Belonging to a single chapter

People or things don't run me

I must run the things around me

And for that I must set my spirit free

I must learn to conserve my internal energy

And not let people or things reduce me

And I must make sure

That my hand never happens to shake

While writing my own story

For I was never created to be defeated or weak

And as I write

I decorate each page

For there is only one life

My standards and principles

Must define and increase its worth

So that it becomes so beautiful

That I would want to live it again

And so that my book becomes 

Such a unique and historic piece of literature

That nobody else can write it again.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2015

Mental blocks or a crazy streak: Which one do you choose?

If you want to change anything in this entire planet, and disturb the natural flow of things in this universe, you got to break free from the narrow perspectives, the narrow mentality. A narrow mind implies mental blocks. And mental blocks are the biggest, the biggest and the biggest obstacles to any kind of change. Mental blocks are villainous; if they exist within you, they can destruct or deviate your thoughts. Mental blocks are contagious too; if they exist within the people around you, they can stop you from believing in yourself and indwell your mind. 

Escaping from external mental blocks is practically impossible; because they exist(in different forms)in every single person around us.

But the people who are able to, or at least try to, remove the mental blocks within themselves are extraordinary and special. 

These are the people who don't care about what the world thinks about them, the different and the unique ones, the people who dare to dare, the misfits, the misplaced, the rebels, the crazy ones, the rule breakers, the misunderstood and the trouble makers. They  are the ones who break the barriers of narrow and blocked thinking. They are the ones who can see things in a different way, who possess the capability to have a different vision and to visualize things in the most unimaginable and the scariest ways. They might be considered as 'crazy' by the rest of the world, but really, they are the ones who can make massive progress and evolutionary changes to the human life.

So here's to the crazy ones: I respect you. I salute you for being yourself. As long as you do the right thing and intend well, never ever change for anyone. Take unbelievable amounts of risks. Do whatever that makes your spirit feel stronger and happier. Never let fear or self-doubt block your mind. It is okay to let yourself go sometimes. It is okay to laugh off some things that bother you. Never ever care about what the other people think or say about you. You have to be comfortable in your own skin, be proud, be yourself. And always remember that we are in a world which is continuously trying to make you like everyone else.

And most importantly: BE UNSTOPPABLE. Don't let mental blocks(internal or external) block you! 

(Trust me, it is worth it. Someday it will all make sense.)

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2015

My Daily Journal#6: THE SOLUTION (SEQUEL TO CIRCLES, POINTS, RUTS AND PAIN)

In this article, I will talk about the solutions to the problem of being stuck in a rut. This article is the sequel to my previous article: Circle, Points, Ruts and Pain.

1) It starts with a choice.

"They usually say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."-Andy Warhot.

If you want to make ANY change in your life, just make a choice to do it. Just take responsibility to clean up our own mess, solve your own problem. If you wait for it, you are wasting your time. It is not going to happen on its own. I repeat, IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN ON ITS OWN. If you delay solving things that you can solve today, if you delay the work you are supposed to do now, it will only become harder and harder to solve by day. There is a slight chance that it may get easier with time. But you just cannot take that for granted. What you have to expect is that tomorrow is going to get harder, and so you must prepare yourself to not make any further mistakes. Moreover, if you feel you can solve something now, why wait? Waiting means settling for misery and if you are settling for misery, then you are wasting moments of happiness that you may be able to enjoy sooner.

"All urgent calls he shall hear at once, but never put off; for when postponed, they will prove too hard or impossible to accomplish."-Chanakya

2) When you decide to make the choice, choose the tough path.

Usually the easier paths and the easier choices end up wooing us. This is so because they usually tend to be in our comfort zone, and give us short term satisfaction or pleasure. And we don't have to work hard to achieve failure. Any kind of negativity or failure is easily achievable. That is why we choose the easier path that has a high possibility of being the wrong path in the long run. We let the negativity be dominant on us. But success is like a bitchy woman who likes to play hard to get, and messes with your mind. It doesn't come easy, so you have to make the tough choices in order to achieve success.

3) Play devil's advocate; never lose hope.

There will come some times when you will feel like you are failing, like you are doing the wrong thing or you have messed up again. But you don't have to give up, lose hope or patience. You have to play devil's advocate with yourself and learn to forcefully push away your negative thoughts, even if it's against your will.

4) Love yourself, value yourself and invest in yourself.

You cannot succeed if you keep cursing yourself every second. No matter how many times you screw up, continue to love, value and appreciate yourself, Say 'I love you' to yourself often. It may sound silly, but trust me, it works. It will increase your confidence, change your perception about yourself and about other things, it will improve your thoughts, which will affect your actions, and you will automatically start doing what you want to do in order to succeed. 

Invest in yourself. Prioritize yourself, and start working for your happiness. So something good like learn a new language, develop a new hobby, travel, socialize or exercise.

5) Take baby steps.

If you want to accomplish anything, it is not going to happen right away. Start small, and by small I mean RIDICULOUSLY SMALL, so small that is not even noticeable. For example, if you want to start exercising for 1 hour everyday, start by exercising 2 minutes per day. 2 minutes, you can do that, right? If you want to be committed to read a book every single day, start by reading a few lines per day. Take the tiniest baby steps you can possibly take. That will make your target seem achievable and will help you think that you are on the road of progress, which will help you get out of the rut.

6) Watch what you say to yourself.

Even science proves that the biggest solutions to your problems lie in your own psychology. Whether the problem is mental, physical, emotional or otherwise-it can be solved or it can be made easier by saying positive things to yourself. So always stay positive things to yourself. Do not feel guilty for anything. Stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for what happens to you. Ignore the inner critic. Always remember, the worst part about being an adult is that you have to parent yourself. So take responsibility for both your bad and good actions and be determined to become a better version of yourself.

7) Follow your heart, but take your mind with you.

Life is all about making mistakes. We all learn by making mistakes. And it is necessary for everyone to make mistakes in life. Not making mistakes means not doing anything. And as you already know, I don't promote the idea of inactivity or stagnation, because stagnation means no progress, and no progress means death. Without making mistakes, you cannot learn anything positive and your mental growth cannot occur. So make mistakes. Take risks. Follow your heart even if the world thinks you are crazy. Go for the things that you want to go for. But always remember: make mistakes, but make mistakes that you can recover from.

Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did. -H Jackson Brown, Jr.

8) Understand that there is no such thing as a 'personality'.

There is no such thing as personality. It is all a perception of your mind. None of us really do posses a fixed personality. All we have is some characteristics, and some traits, which are supposed to grow and change with time and experience. It is both healthy and necessary to change your personality traits with time. This is a part of the process of change, progress and adaption. Evolution in plants and animals is based on the same concept.

9) Take it easy, don't worry, don't let this be hard on yourself.

Nothing in the universe lasts forever. Every good and bad thing will fade one day. Even the entire human race will disappear some day. So cherish what you can, don't worry, keep up the faith, laugh at yourself and keep smiling!

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2015