Lost Dream

 You were my dream,

You were my everything, 

Everything I've ever wanted,

I had forgotten how to dream,

Until I met you.

You reminded me of everything, 

Everything I once was,

And everything I've ever longed to be.

You were a part of God, a part of me,

That helped me see my true identity.

Now you're gone and it feels wrong.

I may be with others, but no one is you.

I don't ask for a prince, hero or rescuer,

But I have always asked for you.

You are what I want in a man,

I wish you could know me,

I wish you could understand. 

I love you more, than I did before, 

And no, it doesn't get easier,

Whenever I walk, I imagine you walk with me,

And with every word, every move, you make me crazier.

I love you a lot,

I wish you could see,

I love you a lot, 

I wish you were here with me.

Because in my soul, there is a song,

The melody reminds me,

You are where I belong, 

I wish you too could hear it, 

I wish you too would sing along.

Light

 When I think of you,

I realise, you are my light.

When I think of you,

I realise, I always want you in sight.

When I think of you,

I realise, I want you to be,

Everywhere I am,

Everytime with me.

When I think of you,

I think of the sun,

I think of a song,

I think of love,

I think of life. 

When I think of you,

I realise, you are my day,

And you are my night.

When I think of you,

I want to be your shadow,

Always following you,

So that you can be my light.

Home

 He was there,

He was touching me.

Every single moment felt like,

A photo album engraved in eternity. 

He was there,

I held him tight,

There were angels singing,

Ooh la la,

Even in the middle of the night.

He was there,

And it felt like,

I was transported to a divine realm,

It was gorgeous, but I wasn't overwhelmed. 

Because a voice in my head,

Told me he was mine,

And my eyes started to twinkle,

Brighter than the stars that shine.

I could hear the lyrics of the love song,

Which said that he is where I belong. 

I don't know if that voice was right,

I don't know if he will ever be in sight,

But he was there, and now he is gone.

I feel homeless as I roam,

I hope the stars align again, 

For he was my home.

Right There

He was right there, 
He was holding my hand,
He was so beautiful,
More beautiful than flowers,
That dance in the wind,
Again and again.

He was right there, 

I wanted to kiss him,

And I did,

It was magical,

Just pure bliss.

I just want to hold him,

I wish I could,

I wish there were more than just wishing,

More than what ifs, woulds and coulds.

What I feel for him,

He will never know,

There is endless love,

But I must find the courage,

To let him go.

I don’t know if he is mine,

But I hope that we find our way,

In due time,

So that he holds me again,

And we both end up laughing,

About what happened.

The Girl With The Inside-Out Shirt

The girl with the inside-out shirt,

Dreams big & has a big heart,

Has the world on her sleeve,
Knows how to pray,

Knows how to believe.

The girl with the inside-out shirt,

Is a little crazy, un poco loco,

That is what they all say, 

She is young but,

Her mind is strong enough,

To push your demons away.

She loves deeply, with all her heart,

She has unkempt hair but is very smart.

If you come close to her,

You will forget all your pain,

She will make you laugh,

She might make you cry,

You can say hello,

You can say goodbye.

But whatever you say,

Know that your life will be changed,

Once you meet this girl,

With the inside-out shirt.

She will transform you,

Into a pot of gold,

Because that’s who she is.

Even if you run away, 

It’s okay,

This girl’s magic would remain,

With you, in stories untold.

Awakened

She feels deeply,
For everyone around her,
She believes that,
Angels always surround her.

She loves with all her heart,

And hates with all her might,

She is not perfect,

But she can dance in the fire,

In the darkest of nights.

Sometimes it gets hard to breathe,
Every warrior needs rest,
Sometimes a ray of hope,
A safe and loving nest.

She prays but no one hears her speak,
She cries out loud but all alone,
She tries to reach out but sometimes,
No one answers the phone.

She is wise because she knows,
Life is tough for indigos.
When you are the chosen one,
You walk a lonely road. 

She is here to heal,
She is here to conquer,
But there are chains that engulf her,
Chains built by the battles,
That never belonged to her.
Chains built by the pain,
Of the people who wronged her.

She is bound, but she is free,
Because she understands,
The unconsciousness in the world.
They call her a rebel but she is
Just a highly awakened girl.

You Must Believe

 You must believe, 

That miracles are coming,

You must believe,

In the light of the day.

You must believe,

A breakthrough has arrived,

You must believe, 

Time is on your side.

You must believe, 

In the new opportunities,

You can create,

You must believe,

In the magic of fate.

You must believe,

Things can change overnight,

You must believe, 

You can become the light.

Because when you believe,

The world turns around,

When you believe,

You inspire others, 

To be cheery,

And undress the frown.

Your belief is contagious, 

It's a free gift that you must claim today, 

You must believe,

For your belief will show you the way.

Gotta Find a Way

 Gotta find a way,

To feel good,

Gotta find a way,

To fly like I should. 

Gotta find a way,

To shelter myself,

From the cold in this world,

Gotta find a way,

To use the armour of love, 

To guard my soul.

Gotta find a way,

To me be,

To be free,

Reach beyond the skies,

And create my own reality. 

Gotta find a way,

To give and to get,

Some miracles in the world,

So that it is a better place,

For both you and I,

And I have a legacy to show,

Before I say my final goodbye.

Gotta find a way,

Yes, I got a way,

It's right here, in my hands,

Because I am God's child,

And part of his beautiful plan.

New Beginnings

 New Beginnings knock the door,

I welcome them with arms wide open,

I have never felt so grateful,

My faith has led me to heaven.

Suddenly, the sun is a cosco ball,

That I am rolling over my arms,

It might be a football that I kick,

And launch into the galaxy,

Because it's time to dream, 

And create my own reality,

Be whatever I want to be.

Here's to new beginnings,

I thank the universe for it's unending mercy,

I feel a sense of inconquerable joy,

Because I know infinite Grace surrounds me.

What I thought was my biggest curse,

Was actually my greatest blessing,

I did not tie the knot,

I'm so thankful that I didn't buy the ring.

He was not right for me,

It was something I could not see,

But I can see it clearly now,

It's like I was asleep, and I woke up somehow.

It was Divine Grace, and only Divine Grace,

That brought me into the light,

Showed me that the separation wasn't a pain,

It was a gift that I had to accept and not fight.

And now I am free, freer than I can ever be.

I can dance with the sun,

And finally have some fun,

God freed me from a toxic cage,

There's no reason to be disappointed, 

It's a matter of celebration, 

I don't need to be enraged.

God exists, and so do miracles,

They worked out just fine for this girl.

The demons are gone, completely out of sight,

There is no fear now, I have survived the dark night.

I am happy, happy and free,

And I am grateful for every heartbeat, 

And the chance to be alive,

My heartbreak was a blessing, and not a tragedy,

And the universe is on my side.

I've made it through the unholy valley,

Life is nothing but a beautiful joyride.

Best Wishes

 It's really hard,

When I'm not around you,

It's really hard,

When everything is black and white,

And monotony surrounds you.

Suddenly, there are no colours anymore,

A warrior surfer dancing through the waves,

Suddenly washed off the shore.

I loved you, and I thought you'd love me too,

But clearly I was wrong,

It's not like I didn't know it from the start,

It was more like I didn't want to.

I didn't want to know,

I didn't want to grow,

I wanted to be with you,

Even if it was an eternal cage,

For I was happiest in that place.

It felt like my heart was full of dandelions, 

And I was singing in the sunlight, 

There was always a melody on my mind,

Telling me how grateful I am for you. 

I looked in your eyes,

And all I saw was love, 

You seemed like a divine gift,

A blessing from up above.

I wanted to hold your hand,

Sing and dance with you,

Every single day,

It all made sense to me.

But now, I am all alone,

And our tale seems like a tragedy.

I wanted to hug and kiss you,

Tell you how much you mean to me,

How you make me feel good,

And how you make me feel free.

It feels wrong, now that you're gone,

Wish I could hold you today,

I miss your eyes and your smile,

Hope you miss me too,

Even if it's just for a little while.

Nevertheless, I send all my love,

Wherever you are, hope you shine,

Shine like the brightest star.

You deserve all the joy in this world,

And the deepest love and passion,

Even if it's not from this girl.

Pray

 There was once a girl,

Who loved deeply,

Who loved beyond measure,

But her heart was shattered,

Like a piece of broken treasure.

There was once a girl, 

Who just wanted to love,

Each person she meets,

Making others happy was her treat.

There was once a girl, 

Who never got a chance to be a girl, 

She had to be a woman, 

From an early age,

For her life wasn't normal, 

She was always put in a cage.

She learned to fight and to break,

The bars and the chains,

She became strong,

All on her own,

Climbed through the ladder of life,

Worked hard but climbed all alone.

And now, it didn't feel right,

She didn't want him out of sight,

But he was gone, and it felt wrong,

She had done everything she could do,

But things could never get better,

As you can't make someone want you.

There was once a girl,

Who had a lot of heart,

And a lot of things to say,

But no one to talk to.

Embracing the beautiful silence,

That's all that she could do.

But she believed in the power of miracles, 

Especially when life gets hard,

She believed in the beauty of universe,

She believed with all her heart. 

So she waited for the light to caress her life,

And hoped for a miracle every single day,

There was once a girl,

Who believed in God,

Who believed that God is enough, 

Even when it hurts, in the darkest of nights,

When all you can do is pray.

Unrequited

 My heart it pains,

And I don't know,

Where to go,

And what to do.

My heart it pains, 

And I feel lost without you.

My heart it pains,

There is nothing to gain,

I don't have anywhere to be,

Anywhere to go,

It seems like,

Life is real slow.

I felt something, 

And I felt something right,

But now I can't see through,

Can't look beyond the night. 

I thought you were mine,

And it's so hard to let go,

I don't know what to do,

And I don't know what to know.

Your hand in mine, intertwined,

Felt like the universe was in my palm,

Now you say you need space,

Tell me, how can I be composed?

How can I be calm?

I wanted to dance with you,

Slowly, and as we would take every step,

I would grip you tighter and feel your breath.

Now I am all alone,

And alone I would be,

There is no hope,

And the world seems like a tragedy.

I know you will never be mine,

But I hope that you always remember,

How deeply I loved you,

And tell that story someday to-

Someone truly meant for you. 

For My Long Lost Love

 You are all that I want,

You are all that I need,

You are my soul,

You reside within every part of me.

You are my heart,

You are my desire,

You are my ocean of calm,

And my wildest fire.

I love you today,

And I love you every day,

My heart just won't quit,

Even though you're gone,

If this isn't love, then what is?

You are all that I want,

You are all that I need,

You defeat my ego,

By your presence,

You put my spirit at ease.

I wish I could just touch you once,

And make you understand,

That our love is real,

Please don't run away,

I'd say that--

If I could hold your hand.

I love you so much every day,

More and more.

You occupy my mind,

And make my heart soar.

Come back,

Please come back to me,

I love you so much,

Yesterday, today, tomorrow.

I'd love you to infinity.

HOW TO BE MORE POSITIVE

 

Let us talk about,

How to be more positive.

Remember that positivity is never about,

Eliminating the negative.

You cannot experience bliss,

Without experiencing sadness.

So if you wish to experience light,

You must learn to embrace the darkness.

It is a tale that many have told,

And still continue to tell,

But only some understand,

And a few implement it well.

The message of that tale is, 

 That to create heaven,

We must learn to befriend hell.

It is all about learning the art of allowing,

You’ve got to allow the negativity,

To flow freely through you,

Only then you can learn positivity,

And know what it’s like to be happy.

People who are truly positive,

Are never devoid of grief and pain,

They just stop resisting the storms,

And learn to dance in the rain. 

They welcome and live through,

The highs and the lows,

That’s how they get their strength,

To be joyous and grow.

Because life exists in a delicate balance,

Shedding the idea of all-time positivity,

And being real with yourself and others,

Is a global psychological challenge.

All of us break down sometimes,

Lose it all, get scared and cry,

That is completely normal,

As you have to learn to fall,

Before you learn to fly.

Some people may tell you,

That crying is abnormal,

But it only means that you have a heart,

Only the miserable and sick will tell you,

That emotions are not so smart.

Being positive is all about,

Acknowledging your weaknesses,

While taking care of yourself,

And knowing that it is okay to be vulnerable,

And it is okay to ask for help.

To learn to slow down,

And take a pause from time to time,

Helps you be more positive,

Sometimes you just got to take a breath,

This fast-paced world can dim your shine.

You will be more positive,

If you are brave enough to say NO,

When deep inside, you want to say so.

And say YES to what you truly want,

Regardless of others’ hopes and demands.

It is okay to back off,

Disappoint people sometimes,

Or to cancel a commitment,

You don’t have to answer that call,

You don’t have to do it all,

Guarding your energy is important.

Pay attention to your instincts,

And what they are telling you,

That is how you learn to be more positive,

Shut the noise coming from the masses,

Know that the wise ones are very few.

Being positive means,

To cherish, love and save yourself first,

And know that it is okay to make mistakes,

You cannot help others unless and until,

You learn to be self-compassionate.

Learning to blossom into positivity,

Is a beautiful lifelong journey,

You can heal yourself and other beings,

With your infinite positive energy.

And there are endless ways to achieve this,

All you need for this noble quest,

Is a strong will and consistent practice.

So start small and keep trying,

And ask yourself this every day,

“What is the one positive thing I’ve done today?”

The Pain Rises

The pain rises,
And there seems to be no end,
No, I don't want to act like it doesn't exist,
No, I don't want to pretend.

My heart is in pain,
There is nothing left to gain,
But in this time of darkness,
The only thing I wanted,
Was a chance to hold your hand,
But I guess you have other places to go,
I guess that God has a different and a greater plan.

I hope that whoever you find,
Whoever you decide to spend your life with,
Loves you the way I wanted to,
I hope she holds your hand,
When you are in distress,
I hope that she is there by your side,
Whenever you feel like life is a mess.

And I hope she gives you the most cherishable time of your life,
I hope she has a cherishable heart,
That is just as cherishable as yours,
I hope she holds your heart gently,
As if it is made of glass,
I hope she gives you all the love you want,
All the love you dream,
All the love you need,
All the love that lasts.

And yes, I know, you will have a golden life,
Because you are a golden man,
You will find a golden woman,
And she will love you like you've never been loved before,
I hope she gives you all her golden love,
And so much more.

As far as I go,
I know I will be okay,
I know that right now,
There is chaos in the world,
Even though the world is crashing down,
You won't see me frown,
Because I trust in God,
And I know God trusts in me,
I will find my light,
I will find my way home,
I will get through the night,
I will be free.

Dear Darkness

Dear Darkness

I want you to kiss me

Come on baby, kiss me hard

I am not afraid of you anymore

Even though you made me run a lot

Dear Darkness

Come into me

And bite my soul

Let me wrap myself around you

And sink in you

So you can swallow me whole.

Dear Darkness

I know you're inside me

I am yours

And you are mine

Come on, let's work together

And light up the dark night with stars,

In a way that's pure and divine

Dear Darkness

I always thought of you as bad and unnecessary

But now I know

You're just as powerful as light

When the world tries to hurt me

You arise from within me

And you give me the strength to fight

Dear Darkness

You are my strength

You are my power

My stem and branches are strong

Only because I grew from deep dark roots

Embedded in soil that was far too dark.

Dear Darkness

Come dance with me

Let me hold you tight

I am your yin

You are my yang

Come touch me

And let's turn this into an eternal romance

Dear Darkness

When I'm asleep at night

Don't forget to kiss my lips

And I won't mind if you decide to

Slide your hand down my hips

For now, I've learnt to make love

And I'm no longer afraid of the dark.

Because I know that only through darkness

Angels of strength are created

That's how they learn to conquer the night

And that's how they turn into angels of light.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2019

I gotta get through

I gotta get through,
Yes, I gotta get through,
There is no way over or under,
I gotta fly through,
Like an eagle in the thunder.

I gotta get through,
I gotta rise and be free,
I know I can do it,
That's what my heart is screaming,
Along with every part of me.

I gotta get through,
I am finally free to fly,
I won't look back now,
Yes, I will learn to say goodbye.

I gotta get through,
My heart holds the hope that
Someday you will see,
How much I've loved you,
So you can love yourself just as much,
Even though you're not here for me,
It is my heart you've touched.

I gotta get through,
But in my dreams,
I shall dance with you,
And I will always pray that,
You too get through,
Everything you're going through.

I will get through,
And so will you,
I am not giving up,
On that belief any day.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2019

Picking up the pace

When we pick up the pace, do we ever stop to wonder, what is it that we are seeking? What is it that we are looking for? What is it that drives us? That makes us want to drive faster than usual?

We are born and raised in a fear and anxiety based society where speed that is the production per unit time equals productivity and efficiency. Sure, the quality of our productions do matter, but delayed better quality productions are a no match for faster less quality productions. Whether you like it or not, that is the dark side of our fast food culture.

Speed matters more now. The pizza must arrive quickly, even if it isn't as well-cooked as the second pizza which could have arrived with a maximum top up of 15 minutes.

We have so much pressure in our society to achieve this in our 20s, to achieve that in our 30s, to already have accomplished certain things by 40. 

Why?

Why do we value pace over the quality of our lives?

Let's consider a hypothetical example of a person A.

If person A becomes a millionaire at 25, you'll read about them in Forbes magazine and they will be appreciated more for achieving all of that at a young age. The glamour and the fame will surely be a dream come true for them, but what if they have a bad mental health? What if they are depressed? What if they are lonely in their personal lives and secretly wishing to give away all their material success so they can find the time and opportunity to get married, have kids and continue their life cycle in a 'normal' way?

 If the same person decides to not launch their product/service at 25, and decide to do at 52 because they want to spend their life doing more research on it while normally continuing with their life cycle, they just  'might' end up developing a finer quality of product/service that may serve the society for a longer period of time than the product/service they created at 25, and they *might* just have a better mental health, but since they aren't young anymore, they wouldn't receive the same glamour and attention from the media than they would have at 25 (even if the product/service is better and a longer lasting one). And most importantly, before they even accomplish anything, they will be bullied by our society for their whole lives for lacking behind in terms of their pace of accomplishments with respect to their age.

So, why have we created a society that values pace over mental health? Pace over happiness, peace and a good standard of living?

Why? Why? Why?

Think about it.

--Upasana Goyal Diaries

Fail

There is a calmness within darkness,
A moment of eternal peace within death,
Something attractive about a shadow,
Because to light it adds so much depth.

Life is always transitory,
But stillness is equally necessary,
Because if you don't pause to see your dark side,
You'll never be able to know yourself,
And from it you'll always want to escape or hide.

You don't really understand,
Until you look into your eyes,
That life exists in duality,
There is always a darker shade,
That exists with the colour white.

Sometimes we need to take a break,
A hand to hold, someone to hug,
And that is totally okay.
Sometimes we fall hard,
Fail to achieve our biggest dreams,
Sometimes we will fail,
We will fail every single moment, every single day,
And that is totally okay.

That's what life is,
It's never meant to be perfect,
Those who have never failed have never enough tried.
But if we want to go to greater heights,
We must appreciate the depressing side of this rollercoaster ride.
As is not our accomplishments that make us successful,
Because accomplishments can fade and be forgotten,
It is our failures,
Because they play the greatest role in building our character.
And a stronger character helps us to learn how to change the game,
To get up and build a taller empire when life falls apart and we lose our sane.

So it is time to stop resisting,
It is time to surrender,
Yes, get on your knees,
And bow down to failure,
Show some gratitude to your greatest teacher.
But that doesn't mean,
That you shouldn't try to get up again,
Get up and try again another day,
Who knows if the 3000th time is the time,
When you finally get your way.

And when your ship finally sails,
Don't forget to inspire someone else to fail.

--Thank you.

SMILE AND UNLEASH

So here it is now,
Every part of me screaming,
telling me, "Go UG, go on the beach,
There is another life that awaits you,
A life that you need to--
Smile and unleash."

And then, here it comes,
The voice inside,
The voice of my soul,
Telling me that I deserve so much more,
That there are better things worth fighting for,
That there are more gifts and capabilities up my sleeve,
I just need to allow myself to unlock them,
By learning to smile and unleash.

And then, it's just me,
staring at myself in the mirror,
as only now do I see my true worth,
Yes, now I can see myself clearer,
I turn to the pit of my stomach,
And I discover a beast,
Someone whom now I would like to,
Smile and unleash.

And so here it is now,
My biggest release,
Time to respect myself more,
To pamper myself,
Every now and then,
Give myself a pat on the back,
A kiss on my hand,
And a little reward or treat,
For all the way I've come,
For who I've become,
I've survived and I've thrived,
There is so much I have achieved.

See, that's the truth,
All the cosmic powers have always been within you,
And they have always been within me,
And these powers are hidden in a language,
Through which we are connected,
That is the language of our hearts,
That operates on love and harmony,
We just need to learn to tap into our powers,
Just trust, we can if we believe,
We can if we discover the courage,
To smile and unleash.

Copyright © Upasana Goyal 2018